Can You Predict What Relationships Will Endure? ? Sexuality ...

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Can You Predict What Relationships Will Endure?

?? ~ by OneMoreOption

I?m?the product?of a broken relationship, a child of divorced parents.

The relationship was probably already terminally over when I was conceived.? As I?ve mentioned here before, my Mother told me once that part of the reason she chose to conceive me, one more child, possibly a son, was as an attempt to keep the relationship together.? I think it is fair to imply she would have done almost anything to preserve her marriage ? to give her husband everything he wanted that she could give.

Tonight, I watched the video from Christie Brinkley?s appearance on the Today show this morning.? I have not closely followed her divorce, but I have seen her ex-husband, Peter Cook, and her both describe their points of view in front of TV cameras.? Each think the other is a flawed person at their core.? Each of them throw out clinical descriptive terms for the mental ailments of the other.

My parents were never like that.? Even after they separated, I never heard one of them give a serious or thorough critique of the other?s behaviors and choices.? I think, in their rare case, they may have both understood that at their cores, they were not well matched philosophically and religiously.? Instead of railing against their perceptions of the faults and missteps?of the other, they may have each conceded they were not pleasantly compatible.

In contrast, Brinkley and Cook appear to have made a sport of regularly making efforts to harm and publicly criticize the other.?

I don?t take the time to write unless I believe I have some uncommon insight to share.? However, if you think I?m going to tell you how to avoid getting involved with the wrong kind of person, you have guessed incorrectly.?

I don?t know how to tell you what couples will endure and what couples won?t.? I don?t know how to tell you how to identify what couples will be civil with each other after they have separated and what couples won?t.? I don?t have those predictive nor identifying skills to teach you.

I?ve been in relationships I thought could last forever ? if both people wanted them to endure.? And most of those relationships have failed . . . or at least they have not endured.

Even now, if you asked me:? Of all the women you dated, which woman do you think you would have the most likelihood of being happy with for a long time?? With experience, hindsight and reality, I could answer the question practically.? But if I didn?t have the knowledge of my real history, I don?t know, with all I know about myself, others, and human relations, if I could accurately predict with whom I would have the most likely chance to succeed.

As I said, I don?t waste reader?s times unless I have something worth remembering to share.?

First, it?s important to know that someone like me, who is well-educated in psychology, social sciences, literature, the arts, history, cinema,?and behavioral theories, and who has been successful at maintaining a long term romantic relationship for over 18 years ? I still cannot teach you all you need to know to be able to select an excellent lover and partner ? specifically for you or generally for the ?average person.?? It is important for the ?most educated? and ?successful? of us to concede?we still don?t have the ability to predict or control those processes and make them happen.

Second, implicit in that humble concession is this:? No matter how much you know, no matter how much care you take in selecting a partner, and no matter how hard you work at the relationship and love the other person:? Whether or not you stay together with another specific person?will still ultimately be beyond your ability to control.

Third, no matter how good of a person you think you are, and no matter how good of a person you think the other person has been:? You still cannot control how the other person will behave toward you after the relationship is over.

There should be some solace in conceding the factors that are beyond your control.? Really bad things happen to really good people.? And sometimes two really good people really can?t get along with each other on intimate or interdependent levels.

You can only control how kind and civil you are toward them.? You may not be able to effect how kind or civil they are toward you.

Having watched Ms. Brinkley and Mr. Cook on their public soapboxes, I?m not sympathetic toward either of them.? They both appear to be firmly intent on harming the other ? despite each of their passive aggressive declarations to the contrary.? I can understand how their interactions with each other may have left both of them jaded, causing both of them to lose their faith and belief in love.

To those of you who have loved well and still lost, you have my sincere sympathies and condolences.? I would like to tell you that:? Despite your real and personal experiences, love does exist and can endure.? But until you experience enduring love first hand, I?m just one more preacher, selling a box of emotional goods on a corner.? And like?any preacher, my belief in love could be as easily derailed as yours if people I loved failed my expectations.??

?On and on, the rain will fall
Like tears from a star
Like tears from a star
On and?on, the?rain will say
How fragile we are
How fragile we are??? ~ ?Fragile?? Sting

I wish things were simpler and easier.? But they are not.? And strength and appreciation comes from that knowledge.

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Source: http://sexualityinart.wordpress.com/2012/03/28/can-you-predict-what-relationships-will-endure/

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